Dear Future Husband,
I thought that maybe if i were loud enough,
you would see me,
Notice me
I mean, maybe you had trouble hearing me
I certainly saw you
& I just wanted you to see me.
Dear Future Husband,
I thought if perhaps
I showed a little skin
You’d let me in
Your heart
I thought maybe I needed to appeal
To your manly senses
But you still didn’t see me
No, you still didn’t see me
So I thought that perhaps
I needed to sit up front
You can’t see me
If I’m in the back pew
I know you see me now,
Don’t you?
Dear Future husband,
I thought that perhaps
If I gave you my cash
Gave you my last
All that my bank account had,
You’d see me
My account is in the red now,
& you still don’t see me
Dear future husband,
I thought that if
I looked my best
Dressed, behaved, & spoke
Like a wife,
You’d see me
If you saw me nurturing kids,
You’d see me
If u saw that I had no kids,
You’d see me
If you saw the degrees
Or the lack thereof
I mean,
If u want someone more traditional,
I’ll be that
I won’t get degrees,
I mean, if that would help you see me
I mean, I’ll be what you want me to be
If that’ll help you see me
I’ll be what you want me to be
If that’ll help you see me
But then
You wouldn’t be seeing me for me
You wouldn’t be
Seeing me
And knowing me
And wanting me for me
I bend over backwards trying to get you to see me
When really, I should be able to just simply be…
Me…
So…
I’ll take my eyes off of you
As I gaze into the mirror
To see me.
I had a day today
that I wouldn’t return to in any way
I wouldn’t do any part of it over
It was the best day I’ve had in a while
It was the most “enough” day I’ve had in some time
The day was enough in itself
The people were enough in themselves
& I do feel that I was enough
For the day
And for the people
It was a day that lacked people pleasing
but still held great room for serving others
It was a day that lacked codependency
& that declined to make room
For feelings of insignificance
It was a day that was allowed to be beautiful in its own way
I respected myself today
I honored myself in every way
Today was a very good day
That I wouldn’t change
In any way.
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